RedPen Editing
Transitions using an echo

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While repeating a word may be frowned upon because it creates an echo, repetition of a word (or phrase) can be used to good effect for a transition, emphasising the way a train of thought evolves naturally.

Here is an example:

… I chuckle; amused at my girls acting so completely in character. They’ll never change.

As I return to the kitchen, I think about things that have changed. I now buy the nuts shelled ready for use. I weigh each item on electronic scales, not the metal balance Grandma used. The cooked puddings are sealed in convenient plastic containers, rather than wrapped in layers of muslin and waxed papers for storage. Last year, I tried microwaving part of the mixture. It was so much easier than hours of steaming, quicker with no chance of boiling dry either. The result was excellent, so that’s how they’ll be done in future.

The ingredients haven’t changed much. …

This demonstrates transition using repetition: mirroring how someone realistically thinks. Patsy CollinsThe train of thought flips from ‘never change’ to  ‘have changed’ and then flips again, to ‘haven’t changed’.

Acknowledgement:  The above extract was taken from a published story written by the short story writer and novelist, Patsy Collins. Thank you, Patsy! Early drafts of ‘Family Recipe’  are also used in one of the Proof of the Pudding workshops, available to those who invest in Red Pen Training.